Uncomfortable

Learning to make people feel uncomfortable was never a trait I thought I would pick up, but I am quickly discovering how easy a trait it is to pick up. Over the past several months I have really worked, spent time, and reflected on how to prepare myself for this amazing move Josh and I are about to embark on. Through this process I have been reading various books and articles, including a sermon by a minister from the 1700’s (what surprises me is that I did it voluntarily and not for some assignment). The overbearing theme that I am constantly being faced with is the notion of speaking out for what is right and that apathy is not an option.

What has surprised me more is that I have carried this into all areas my life. For example, several co-workers of mine have recently told me that I used to be so quiet and nice all the time and that I have changed. Feeling confused and wondering if they were trying to tell me I’ve become some horrible mean person, another co-worker put it in betters terms, stating that I have started to speak up and against certain things and by doing so I’ve challenged the norm. At that moment I realized that the core issue was that I was making them feel uncomfortable. The nice little quiet girl who made no complaints actually had a voice and by changing the label others had given me I was challenging their comfort zones.

At the same time the entire idea that Josh and I would be willing to quit our full time jobs and enter a year of urban ministry with no income has made people uncomfortable, and lately I have noticed that I have this uncanny ability to make people even more uncomfortable by just trying to talk about it, especially when I get to the point that we need to raise support (aka money) for the year. People seem to get really touchy when you bring up the topic of money, particularly when it relates to their money.

While learning to make people feel uncomfortable was never my intention when I set off down this road, I sure have enjoyed myself (yes enjoyed) even when I hit points of absolute frustration. I am learning that life is more enjoyable when you challenge the norm and wander outside the comfort zones of society. I am experiencing God much more because I am slowly letting go of my many reservations about where He can and is taking me. I look forward to the uncertainties in life and the journey ahead, and if I make you feel uncomfortable along the way, I challenge you to jump alongside me and see where this path goes. I just know that I would rather live a life pursuing the dreams God had placed on my heart than sit back and wonder “what if?”

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